Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Not Such a Happy Lady

Both of us crying in front of the window.

Lucy's been having screaming fits lately. We're still trying to figure out why, so we can fix her. Sometimes she screams because she's about to poop. Sometimes she screams because she's tired but needs help falling asleep. And sometimes she screams because...who knows?

It's tough to be a patient mom when your baby screams and cries for hours. I think the lullabies I sing her are mostly to calm me down, and the bouncy dances I do are mostly to soothe myself. I feel so much despair knowing that Tim won't be home for hours, that I have to do it alone until then, and that I have to do the same thing tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.

Being a stay at home mom is hard.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Happy Lady

Lucy is happy today!

Maybe it's because things went so well with the lactation consultant.

She said that Lucy's tongue works now, and so she can finally breastfeed effectively.

Look at my baby chunk-a-lunk! She weighs almost 10 pounds now!


Sunday, April 26, 2009

More Things I Can Do While Breastfeeding

More things I can do while breastfeeding:

Eat ice cream!

Take a taxi to Manhattan!

Make my placenta into pills to help prevent Postpartum Depression!

Yeah, can you believe I did that? ME, the squeamish almost vegan? OH MAN. I really think it will be worth it, though. I actually had a smoothie made out of raw placenta right after labor, but it wasn't as gross as this.

Yep, placenta doesn't smell too great when it's cooking.

Baby Magic

Lucy is getting so much protection! Uncle Malek gave her a hamsa to wear whenever we leave the house to protect her from the evil eye. Great GranE sent a guardian angel medal for her. We pinned them both inside Lucy's sling, so she'll be protected when we're out and about.

Tim's parents made ancestor pancakes for us last night. It's a Kazakh tradtition--once a week they make pancakes for their ancestors, and ask the ancestors to protect all of us. I really love this tradition. Hopefully Alla and Aidar will teach me how to make ancestor pancakes for our new little family while they're here.

Isn't it wonderful that Lucy is being protected through the customs of all these different cultures? She'll be the safest baby ever!

One Year Anniversary!

A year ago today...

One year later...

It's so mind blowing that in just one year, we created this whole person! Wished for her, made her, grew her, birthed her, and raised her for five weeks already! And she's just such a wonderful person, don't you agree?

Happy one year anniversary, Tim! And happy five week birthday, Lucy!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Attachment Grandparenting

Baby wearing is one of the main beliefs of attachment parenting, and a tradition in my family. When I was a baby, my parents wore me in a front pack at their ballroom dance class. And after three kids, Kevin and Jen are slinging experts--I'm eagerly awaiting Jen's tutorial on how to nurse in a sling!

It's terrific to see baby wearing spread to Tim's family, too. I think Apashka looks so chic, and Lucy looks so secure and comfortable! She spent hours happily snoozing in Apashka's arms while Mama and Atashka took care of the errands. Next it's Aunt Karima's turn!

Splish Splash

This is how we gave Lucy her first bath. She did NOT like it.
It does look kind of cold and lonely, doesn't it?

Now we take baths together. I breastfeed Lucy in the tub while Papa massages her with baby soap. I love it...she feels so smooshy and slimy! I like to pretend that being warm and wet together reminds her of being inside me.

When Lucy's finished, Papa cuddles her dry in a towel. Look at that smile! She definitely likes family baths MUCH better than bathing alone!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

One Month Old

Breastfeeding this morning, while crying.

From some angles, your cheeks are still as chubby as the day you were born.

Dear Lucy,

You're exactly one month and twenty minutes old. We're sitting on the couch, breastfeeding, just a few feet away from where you were born. The light coming through the window is exactly like it was the moment we saw each other for the first time. You've been awake and yelling at me and your papa for two hours, but now you finally settled down. Now you're looking up at me, gazing into my eyes and drifting off to sleep.

It's only been a month, but I already wish we could have the time back. Just thinking about it makes me cry. I can't figure out where the time went. I feel like I get so caught up with changing diapers, trying to get some sleep, sitting on the couch breastfeeding you, that I haven't had enough time to just cherish you. A whole month already? It's so hard to believe. I wish I could stop time and just hold you. I wish you could stay a newborn forever. I want you to stay tiny always, curled up like a peanut, like when you were inside me. This is such a precious time, I don't want it to end, I don't want you to change. I want you to stay exactly like you were the last moment you were inside me, the first moment I saw you and held you. You were part of my body for nine months, now it hurts me when I have to put you down. It hurts even more knowing you're growing up, and soon you won't want me to always hold you.

Your elbows still feel exactly like they did when you rolled them across my stomach from the inside, sharp and pointy. That's how I knew for certain that you were the baby I grew inside me, by your elbows. I recognized them. I know they'll be pudgy soon, and it makes me want to cry. How can I keep them like this forever?

I'm already forgetting how you smelled when you were born. You smelled indescribable...primal, earthy, delicious. I didn't want to bathe you when you were born, I wanted to keep you smelling like that forever. Grammi told me that you stank, and that in the wild it would be dangerous, because all the beasts would smell you and want to eat you. I told her that I was the beast who wanted to eat you. We called you Beastie Treat for weeks. Elizabeth told me that she saved the hat that Judah wore when he was born in a ziplock baggie, so she could keep his smell. Why didn't I think of that? Now you smell sweet, like a Bakery Treat, and of course I love it too and breathe it for hours, but I miss my Beastie Treat.

I love how small you are, how I can hold you in one arm when I breastfeed you. I love how you relax and smoosh into me when you're eating. I love how alert you are when you're awake, how you look around at the world like it's so fascinating. I love how you wake up in the mornings, look over at me, and grin. I love your silky baby hair, how it stands straight up and reminds everyone of your papa's fauxhawk. I love the crazy faces you make when you fall asleep at my breast. I love singing you lullabies when you're eating in the middle of the night, and the waves of love that wash over me when I sing them. I love your hands, your delicate fingers, and watching them flutter and dance. I wonder sometimes if you'll be a dancer. I love your baby squeaks and all the sounds you make. I love your breast-milky smell. It smells like warm cookies. I love that I smell like that, too. I love finally understanding how much my Mom loves me.

It breaks my heart that you're a month old already. I'm proud we made it this far, but it's just so bittersweet.

I love you so much,

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Look Who's Here!

Apashka and Atashka are visiting from Geneva. It was so sweet to see them meeting their grandbaby for the first time! They brought presents for Lucy...precious pink baby girl clothes, we can't wait for her to grow into them. It's great to have Tim's parents here to help us. Lord knows life with a newborn can be overwhelming!

We all went out to dinner at our favorite Japanese place. Lucy was wonderful...she nursed through most of dinner and then slept happily in Aunt Karima's arms. (Isn't Karima adorable in those glasses?)

Sunday, April 19, 2009

The Best Thing

So far, sleeping with Lucy is my favorite part of being a Mama. It's so sweet! I love that she tickles me with her tiny hands, and makes baby squeaks all night, and nuzzles her head into me. She's dreamy!

Foods I Can Eat While Breastfeeding



(Of course, Lady Baby ended up with marina sauce and soy sauce all over her onesie.)

Friday, April 17, 2009

Loosik the Moosik

I call her Lucy Mae, and Papa calls her Lucy the Moosey.

These are her antlers.


I'm a Mama now, and this is my Lady Baby.

We had her at home, on the kitchen floor. Here she is 10 minutes later, on our bed, covered in gunk and contemplating the world outside.