Wednesday, December 9, 2009


This baby is always making me laugh with the high jinks she gets herself into. She's always up to something!

A whole refrigerator full of fascinating things to play with, but of course she goes for the wine!

And here's what she does when I take away the forbidden item...

Listen for the happy noise at the end when I give her the camera!

Papa got a new job

Tim got a new job, and we're so proud of him!!

He started during his new company's holiday crunch time though, so he's been working very long hours. Lucy's been asleep every night when he gets home. I can tell that she misses him a lot. Last night she sat straight up, wide awake, when she heard him get in bed. She climbed over me (stepping on my eye like it was nothing, of course) and jumped on him. She even sang him a baby-coo song about how happy she was to see him.

Today we were able to video chat with Daddy. Lucy loved it, but I think Tim loved it more.

So what have we been doing on these very long winter days without Tim?

I've been putting Lucy to sleep for her morning naps in our new wrap. This wrap must be woven from magic sleep dust. Lucy wasn't able to fall asleep while I'm wearing her around the house until we got this. It's so sweet to snuggle her against me, rock her while looking out the window, and sing lullabies while she breastfeeds to sleep.

We've been playing dress up and taking ridiculous pictures of ourselves in the mirror. I need a 15 year old to teach me how to take better mirror photos!

We had lunch with a mama friend who lives in our building today. She made autumn minestrone soup and brownies! Lucy had her first pear, and actually liked it. So far she's only liked broccoli, onion (doesn't take after her Grammi I guess!) and the pear. Lucy's really not too big on solids yet, she'd rather just eat breastmilk and paper.

We've also been taking long Christmas walks in the late afternoons. It helps get me through the home stretch when Tim used to be home to help with Lucy before she goes to sleep. Lucy and I go out when it gets dark and walk through the neighborhood. We stop to look at all the Christmas trees and decorated store windows. Lucy especially loves the flickering LED trees--she watches them for whole minutes yelling "oooh! eeeee!" Today we window shopped at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and took this distracting and rather unflattering photo. (I really do need self portrait lessons!)

This polar bear is finally sleeping. All that Christmas sparkle tuckered her out!

Lucy learned how to dance!

Lucy danced for the first time last week. We were listening to Christmas music (and have been every day since October! I'm glad she's too young to judge me...) and this song got her moving. She started out with the normal baby booty bounce, and then switched to toe tapping. I've never seen a baby dance like that! Aaaaah I love her.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

things i want to remember forever #2

your first joke! about a month ago...we were smooshing around in bed while daddy was at work. i was lying on my back, trying to feed you. you were breastfeeding for a little while, then unlatching and climbing me like a jungle gym, and then returning for more milky. you unlatched from my breast and crawled down to my stomach. you latched on to my stomach, sucked a few times, looked up at me, and laughed. then you latched on to my knee, sucked, looked at me, and cracked up again.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Field Trip!

My friend from high school, Maureen, was in town this week. So we took a field trip to the Met. I was surprised at how quickly Lucy took to Maureen...usually she's wary of people she doesn't know touching her. But Lucy gladly let Maureen hold her while she grabbed at Maureen's necklace and coat buttons. She even let Maureen play with her while I went to the bathroom, out of her sight! Maureen has a special kind of baby magic, and she'll be a beautiful mom someday.

Here Lucy and I are in an Assyrian temple. We were exploring the Central Asian gallery, on the hunt for art from Kazakhstan. We didn't find any Arts of My Baby's Peoples, but we did find an elderly European man who shook Lucy's hands while crowing, "I have found the most beautiful work of art in the whole museum!"

I was, of course, on the lookout for anything boobs related. (I really have turned into my mom!) There were many boobsy artifacts to choose from, but this was my favorite. I want my own boobs jars! (Jugs? Ha!) I loved the wooden figures in the Arts of Africa gallery. The women's breasts were shaped almost like faucets. Breastfeeding has certainly given me a newfound fascination with breasts!

I let Lucy down from the carrier so she could stretch her legs and explore the museum on her own terms. She couldn't see much art from there, but she did notice her shadow for the first time. As she crawled towards it, it crawled away from her, until she pinned it against the wall with her forehead.

Lucy was the only baby loose in the museum. She charmed all the visitors, especially an older lady with a walker that Lucy tried to pounce on. One man walked past her and laughed, "Starting her young, good for you!" I thought it was a riot to walk around the exhibits with Maureen, while Lucy followed a few feet behind. Now that she's mobile she can participate in our lives on a new level, and I adore it.

I'm beginning to get a glimpse of what having Lucy as a daughter will be like as she gets older. One mom I know, whose daughter is 3, said that she doesn't feel like a mom. Instead she feels like she has a tiny friend, a silly little playmate to skip through life and make glitter paintings with. I can't wait for that. I see it sometimes when Lucy clowns around, trying to make me laugh by smashing her face against mine or diving around in bed. I love Lucy at this age, but I still can't wait to see her at 2, and 3, and really every age forever. I just can't wait to watch her as she grows up and becomes more and more her.

things i want to remember forever #1

in our dark bedroom, quiet but for the whoosh of the fan, helping you fall asleep. you breastfed softly and then rolled away. i watched for a moment as you stirred, not quite sleeping. i curled up around you, my stomach to your back, just like we were when you were still in me. i nuzzled my face into the back of your head, and felt the warmth radiating towards me. your hair was sweaty, it smelled like sunshine and the earth. we laid together, breathing together, until you were sleeping and i was left lying in the dark, overwhelmed with love.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Field Trip!

Tim dragged us to the Museum of Natural History today. I was nervous about how Lucy would handle it, but she was a champ. She napped on the subway and woke up ready to go!

Can kangaroos nurse while they're wearing their babies? I can!

Games with Daddy!

Tim really wanted to see the giant whale. But the whale section was closed for a special event, so we saw dinosaurs...

And...something with curly horns.

We walked through the Asian and African Peoples exhibits, looking for some babywearing mamas, but couldn't find any. Really, women didn't babywear in Asia and Africa? Speaking of which, my mom just got Lucy a baby book with pictures of babywearing around the world. It makes my heart happy! And Lucy likes to read it on the potty.

Lucy had so much fun at the museum! This is the first field trip she's been on that she seemed to appreciate. She kept trying to dive out of my arms to get closer to the exhibits. We let her stand up at a few exhibits, and she banged on the glass with so much excitement. She even gave her biggest seal of approval--a super fast arm bounce while yelling "yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!"

So we didn't see any whales, but we had a great time.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Oh blog, you make me feel guilty

I know I should post more, but I'm busy mothering! I feel so guilty for not recording every single moment of every day. Lucy's babyhood is passing us by so quickly. That's what everyone says, right? "It goes by so quickly!" What they don't tell you is how much that hurts! She's growing up so fast, and it's heartbreaking. Can you tell by my level of introspection that Lucy has been asleep for hours now? It's nice when she gives me a long enough break that I can start to miss her, and reflect on my life with her...

Here's what we've been up to...Lucy and I went back to St. Louis to visit my family. It was a great visit, and while we were there Lucy learned how to pull herself up to standing! She was so cute at first--wobbly in the middle like she was hula hooping. Now she's standing up for most of the day, so she's very stable. It's so different so see my baby upright! She can crawl really fast now too. There should be a word for "crawl running," right? Lucy crawl runs across the room whenever she sees something exciting, and it's adorable. She's cruising around the furniture, too.

Tim's parents came for a visit. Last time they were here, Lucy just cried or looked around. Now she's making faces, laughing, zooming around the room, and playing games. And speaking of games, Christmas came early here! Lucy has a ton of new toys to keep her entertained and help her learn Russian. She thinks the Russian books are so so funny, every time she opens one she cracks up. Her sense of humor is really developing! Making Lucy laugh is the sweetest thing in the world.

It's been so long, and I have so many new pictures! It's so hard to choose just a few, but I'll try:


Not happy!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

FINALLY got her first animal costume!

Would it be so wrong of me to keep the AC on all winter, just so I can make her wear this around the house non-stop?

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

6 Months

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.
She never existed before.
The woman existed, but the mother, never.
A mother is something absolutely new.”

~Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

Today you've been in the world for six months,
and I've been a mama for six months.
It's a beautiful journey we're on together.
I love you, baby girl.

My Birth Story...Part 1

I was five days past my due date and sooooo ready. My mom and dad were in town, anxiously waiting for ladybaby to come. The birth pool had been ready to go for weeks. We’d deep cleaned the house and stocked the freezer with meals and treats. We’d even managed to turn ladybaby from breech to vertex. And now we were waiting. I wasn’t having any signs of impending labor, and was getting frustrated and impatient.

On Saturday morning, I woke up at 8 am with a contraction. A contraction! At least I thought so. I laid in bed for a few minutes, looking at my wedding ring and Tim sleeping next to me, and thought…it will never be just the two of us again. And I kept having more contractions!

I got out of bed and went into the living room. I turned on contraction master and found out that my contractions were coming 5 minutes apart, and were 45 seconds long. I was surprised; I had been expecting contractions much slower than that. I sat on the couch for about an hour, doing a jigsaw puzzle online and listening to NPR podcasts. Being alone and just doing my own thing felt exactly right.

Around 9, I went back in to the bedroom and woke Tim up. “I’m having contractions,” I said, “I think I might be in labor.” Tim sat straight up and yelled, “Call the midwife!!!” I told him I wanted to wait, in case the contractions fizzled out. We got dressed and went outside to get bagels (our weekend morning ritual). At the bagel shop, I stood in the back and rocked through contractions. The bagel ladies, who have been a regular fixture in our lives for years, were so excited when we told them that I was in labor.

Tim and I left the bagel shop and called my parents to tell them I was in labor. We asked them to come to the apartment and do some last minute cleaning while we were out. Tim and I walked to the park, where we sat on a bench and had breakfast. The morning was cold, clear, and sunny. It was beautiful, and it felt so good to be outside. The contractions were getting stronger; I had to stand up and rock through them. Tim and I took this picture, the last picture of just the two of us.

We stopped at the health food store and the video place to pick up some last minute things. At this point, we called our doula, Kate. She told us that we should labor alone for a while, so that we could learn how to work together and get into our labor groove as a couple. She would join us when labor got harder. We got home and saw my parents, who were just finishing up with the dishes and vacuuming. I teased that they were our menahune—Hawaiian elves who do the family’s chores while they sleep at night. My parents hugged me and left.

I had a lot of nervous energy and wanted to get everything ready and perfect for labor. I took down the bedroom curtains...It just felt right to make the room as sunny and bright as possible for ladybaby's birth. I took a shower, washed and dried my hair, and put on makeup. I was imagining gorgeous birth photos, and me looking radiant with perfect hair and make up. I thought I was so smart for putting on waterproof mascara—I figured I’d be cute even if I cried with joy when the baby was born. Little did I know I would spend most of the rest of labor in the water, and would give birth looking like a wet dog, and by that point my makeup would be the last thing on my mind.

Once I was looking fly, I was ready for labor to pick up. Tim made me a Red Raspberry Leaf tea infusion, and accidentally burned himself pretty badly. I drank the tea while bouncing on the birth ball and reading Dr. Sears’ Birth Book. Of course I had read it a million times already, but I wanted to fit in a last minute cramming session. My mom and little brother teased me later about that, they said it was “so Kathy” to be studying while I was in labor! Tim started getting the birth pool ready, and accidentally jabbed my stomach with something sharp while I was having a contraction. It drew blood and made me cry. I think I was just so overwhelmed with the idea of being in labor, anything would have made me cry.

Around 4 pm, Tim and I put on the movie (Baby Mama!) but didn’t get very far—every time I had a contraction, I had to pause the movie. I needed silence! Contractions were getting stronger. I had to stand up during them and rock back and forth. I put a pillow on top of the tv, which was the perfect height to lean over during the contractions. My back was hurting, so Tim applied counterpressure for me whenever I needed him to. I was feeling nauseous, and threw up a few times. I actually felt nauseous for all of labor…I spent most of labor with a blue bucket in front of me in case I threw up more. I had planned to make a rainbow birthday cake for ladybaby while I was in labor, but realized that I wouldn’t be able to do anything except focus on labor from then on. Tim called my mom, and asked her to come over to get the cake ingredients. I locked myself in the bathroom, where I took a hot shower while bouncing on the birth ball. I heard my mom come to pick the cake stuff up. It was nice to hear her voice as she talked to Tim, but I didn’t want to see her. I just wanted to be by myself. My parents ended up spending my labor in their sublet apartment a few blocks away from ours, making the rainbow cake and watching reruns of West Wing.

After I got out of the shower, I tried to lay down in bed and rest. The contractions were hurting pretty badly, and my back felt awful. Tim made me a nest of pillows and got the heating pad for my back.

The photographer who was supposed to shoot our birth called. The other couple she was booked for was in labor too, so she was going to miss our birth. (The other couple happened to be our friends from birth class, who ended up giving birth the same day we did, so our babies are birthday twins!) She wanted to come over to take a few pictures of labor before she went to the other couple's birth, but I said no. I still wanted it to be just me and Tim.

I'll write Part 2 when Lucy gives me a chance!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Updates--we're learning stuff!

That's right, Lucy and I are learning stuff.

Here's what Lucy learned:
1. How to sit up for a few minutes...then she falls over and cries.
2. How to get where she wants to go. She can logroll pretty quickly, and is doing the funniest looking inchworm scoot. I'll put up a video if I ever figure out how to get them out of the video camera!
3. How to stand up if she's holding on to something. Well, and then she falls over and cries.
4. Teething hurts.
5. Pulling Mommy's hair is FUNNY because it makes Mommy make some pretty ridiculous noises.

And here's what I learned:
1. I'm a better mom if I don't stay up until 3 am!
2. How to breastfeed Lucy while I'm wearing her in the mei tai. This is a biggie, folks.
3. How to put Lucy down for a nap while I'm wearing her on my back. Finally! This was basically the whole reason I wanted to learn how to baby-wear. And now, 5 months later, we can do it! Lucy's sleeping on my back right now, and breathing so sweetly on my neck.

Tim's learning a lot too. He plays with Lucy every morning for a few hours, so I can sleep in. He and Lucy have their own special games, and he's becoming an expert settling her down when she cries. It's so when Lucy wakes up in the morning, she rolls over to him, whaps him with her fists, and yells at him. She wants him to get up and play with her! Meanwhile, she totally ignores me in the mornings, unless she's ready for breakfast.

I'll see if I can find some pictures of all of this!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Who's so funny?

Mama's so funny!

Papa's so funny!

Mama also thinks Papa is pretty funny with that "I was out sick from work for a week so I grew this just to see if I could" goatee!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

La Mer

We're at the beach!

I know a baby who doesn't like the water too much.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Less trash, less chemicals, less fussing

We started doing elimination communication! I'd been thinking about doing it since Lucy was born, but it was just too much to handle. Now that life with a baby is getting more manageable, I figured it was a good time to try it out. So I got a baby potty, put Lucy on it, and she peed! While giggling and laughing!

Tim likes EC too, because he doesn't trust the chemicals in disposable diapers. Plus he just thinks poop is funny.

Now that we're going through less diapers, I decided to take the plunge and transition towards cloth diapering. I was scared before, since we don't have laundry in the building, but hand washing really hasn't been that bad. And the diapers were super cheap--I just cut up some old sheets and some thrift store nightgowns, and we tie them on her. Easy! And aaaaaaaah! So cute! I think plaids and stripes are much more "her" than the pastel Disney characters on the disposable diapers.

Don't worry, I've gotten much better at tying them on since that one.


Somebody stop me, I can't stop uploading pictures of my baby's butt in rainbow plaids! Ok one more.

Another thing we've been trying to do is give Lucy more air baths. It's supposed to be great for babies. And Lucy loves naked time! Well, usually...

Naked time
+ Learning to roll over
Giraffes in uncomfortable places

Tuesday, July 21, 2009






I'm 27! My birthday was perfect...Tim stayed home from work and brought me bagels for breakfast. I napped with my sweet baby in the afternoon. In the evening, we tried to go swing dancing at Midsummer Night Swing, but it was dangerously slippery from the rain. So we listened to a few songs in the drizzle, I breastfed Lucy at Lincoln Center, and we came home for late night birthday cake. I made a chocolate amaretto mousse cake (a family tradition!) for the first time. It was low-key and so first birthday as a mama.

Monday, July 20, 2009


Lucy went swimming for the first time last week! Here's a picture of us all ready for the pool. We couldn't actually take any pictures in the pool, because this pool is on lock down. More on that later!

We went to the pool with two of my mama friends, one of Lucy's baby friends, and our tiny fetus friend. I wasn't sure what Lucy would think of the was pretty cold! When we waded in and Lucy's feet touched the water, she gave me a look of "I don't know about this, lady." And she looked SO surprised when we went in up to her shoulders! We warmed up quickly, though, and soon she was smiling and splashing. I wish we had pictures!

Well, here's a picture of the pool when it opened it 1936. It looks the same now, except it's in color.

Yesterday we went to the pool again, and this time we took Tim. Since it was a weekend, the pool was much more crowded. There must have been hundreds of people there. Tim mentioned that it felt exactly like going to the pool in prison. Here's how it went down.

When we got to the park, there was a line to get into the pool. A parks employee walked up and down the line, yelling at the people waiting, and telling the group of teenage boys in front of us that she had her eyes on them. Before we could go into the locker rooms, they checked our bags and made us show them our swimsuits. I took Lucy into the ladies room, where mean-looking women monitored us at every turn, saying things like, "Ladies, don't throw your sanitary towels into the toilets!" Tim said that in the men's locker room, they make the guys shake out their towels to ensure that they're not bringing in weapons!

We got into the water and had a wonderful time. Lucy had so much fun splish splashing and kicking her feet like the most adorable baby duck ever. It was super crowded, and at one point Tim yelled at some teenagers who rough-housed too close to Lucy.

Right after we got out of the pool, the life guards started blowing their whistles and making everyone leave the pool. The cops even came out of their on-site police station to do crowd control as the hundreds of people all returned to the locker rooms at once. I wondered why a pool needed an on-site police station, until I read about the "Astoria Pool Melee of 2006" when I was looking for that snazzy photo above. Apparently, a small riot broke out in line for the pool when the parks employees didn't tell the people waiting for hours on line that the pool was closed. Someone threw a bottle that hit a little girl, the parks employees used some racial slurs, and the swimsuit vendor's stand was ransacked. Wow!

So back to our trip to the turned out that someone had pooped in the pool, and that's why everyone was evacuated. Gross!

While I was getting me and Lucy changed and ready to leave, a group of girls was watching us. The youngest girl, who was about 8 years old, pointed to me and asked what was on my body. I told her stretch marks and spider veins. Her sisters were terribly embarassed, and literally covered her mouth as she tried to ask more questions about my bizarro post-partum skin. Sigh. I have the kind of body that makes 8 year old girls ask questions! Also, my hair is falling out and making what Tim calls "seaweed" in the tub. When he took a bath with Lucy to rinse off the cholorine (and the feces of an anonymous Queens resident), a whole forest of my hairs wafted gently up from the non-slip bath mat. It really did look like a bed of seaweed. Depressing, but magical!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

A year ago today

This is me, with a tiny you inside me. We were at an Indian restaurant with Aunt Karima, celebrating finding out that we were having a baby you!

And here you are today, a year later, bringing joy to your Daddy's life.

Dear Lucy,

A year ago today, we found out that we were pregnant with you. It was so exciting that you came to us so soon...we had just started trying! It was like we wished for you, and there you were. In my favorite story, when the women get pregnant they know right away, that very second. I always hoped that it would be like that for me. I didn't feel you right that second, but even before we took the pregnancy test, I could feel you with me.

It was so hard to wait until the day that I could finally take the test. That night, I stopped by the flower stand to buy a bouquet of flowers for Daddy. I already knew that we would find out for sure that we were having you. Daddy was asleep when I got home, but I just couldn't wait until morning. I woke him up, took the test, and then went into the bedroom to snuggle with him and read a bit of my favorite story while we waited. I went back into the bathroom, and the test said PREGNANT! Oh, I was so happy. I think it was the happiest I had ever been. I told Daddy, and he just giggled. He laughed all night!

And here we are, a year later. I grew you inside me, I birthed you, and now you've been out in the world for 3 months. You're just starting to grab onto your toys and put them in your mouth. You wake us up every morning by screeching gleefully as loud as you can. You love going for walks in the sling, and you still fall asleep against my chest almost every time we're walking. You always laugh when your Daddy tickles your fat, roly-poly thighs. You're starting to get teeth, and it makes you a sad baby. You smile at me as soon as you hear me start to sing your favorite songs. Oh Lucy, we love having you here with us! Being your mama is such a delight.

I love you,

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Saturday at the Met

I'm surprised to say that having a baby is actually helping me get out of the house these days. Tim has always been the kind of New Yorker who wants to, you know, SEE New York on the weekends. He wants to go to museums, parks, concerts, that sort of thing. I'm the kind of New Yorker who wants to sleep until 4 pm on the weekends, and then eat junk food in the apartment until it's time to go to sleep again. Now Lucy Loo wakes us up early on the weekends, so we've been getting out the door at a reasonable hour and enjoying the city.

On Saturday, we headed to Manhattan to the only place I seem to go lately--the sling store! I really wanted to have the ladies there show me how to carry Lucy on my back. It didn't work as well as I hoped...she's not quite big enough yet to be comfortable on my back. She's close though. The lady who helped us was showing me how to swing Lucy over my shoulder and onto my back, and she demonstrated on herself with Lucy. Afterward, she said that it's obvious that Lucy is a "worn baby" because she laid so calmly on her back. I liked that. I like that there's something in Lucy that shows that we wear her all the time, since that's such an important part of our parenting philosophy. Anyway...I got a new baby carrier called a Baby Hawk. It's beautiful! Tim says that when Lucy is in it, she looks like a birthday present. I'll put pictures up soon! It's cooler to wear, so I imagine that Lucy will be more comfortable in it as the weather heats up. It's also good for back carries, which I'm hoping Lucy will be able to do soon.

We left the sling store and realized that it was still early, and we were right next to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. So we showed Lucy some art.

And some more art.

And we breastfed.

This is the classiest place I've ever nursed in public. We are fancy ladies, us two.

I'm happy that as long as we're living here, Lucy is getting to take advantage of some of the unique things New York has to offer. Not that she'll remember, but when she gets big we can always tell her that she breastfed among Greek sculptures at the Met.